I Write Best When I’m Falling Apart, But How Do I Write When I’m Falling Into Place?

I want to be writing happy things; words of growth and strength, of liberation and lack of toxicity, all of which I feel in more concentration than I ever have. Despite their presence, though, the words just won’t come forth and present themselves. All that pours out is playlists and nostalgia, the longing for what once was and melancholy. I have drafts upon drafts of half hearted paragraphs, all first written with enthusiasm and the excitement for inspiration, but each one quickly trails off into something no longer making any sense. I’ve never known how to write when I’m happy, have I?

When I feel just about anything, I feel in extremes. I have bled my heart onto these posts time and time again, each poem lined with names of those whose faces still haunt me and metaphors embedded with Greek tragedies. I turn to writing when I can’t think straight and my words aren’t quite coherent. When I can’t speak, I sit down and pour everything out onto these pages and the pages listen back. The difficulty now, though, is I can speak; I’ve found my voice here. I feel more at home, more in touch with myself than I have in a decade. I can run along the mountains and scream my soul for everyone or no one to hear. I can care for myself first for once; there is no question of what I must to do to ensure another’s well being before mine. I can, for once, put myself first. I can breathe. I really do feel reborn, for a lack of better word. This is beautiful. This is beyond words, so far so that I can never find any to do it justice.

To my readers, please be patient with me; my poems may be fewer and less frequent for the time being, but what loss is that? I’m growing exponentially and my soul is stretching far beyond the mountains. I am learning to write while thriving and in the process of doing so, learning to make a career of what I love. The future holds many, many amazing things, all of which you will be the first to know.
I challenge you to challenge me, to help me grow. Send me suggestions to write of, whether it be a person, an emotion, a color, a quote, anything. Hit me with your best shot and I’ll be thanking you from my desk, celebrating the victory in breaking Writer’s Block’s wall.

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