What a beautiful sight to see you alive.

I dreamt last night.

It is incredibly rare that I dream anymore.

Most nights are filled with nothingness

just warm, exhausted sleep.

But last night,

I dreamt and I dreamt of you.

You were alive once again and laughing.

You were laughing and your eyes were filled with light and squinted at the summer sun.

I felt your arms wrap around my frame,

which had shrunk back down to 5’0.

You were warm and smelled like vanilla mixed with your old bubblebath.

Your arms felt safe, like home.

God, you felt like home.

I think that’s why I’ve been lost ever since you died;

my home was within you and crumbled as you did.

I spent years wandering empty streets subconsciously looking for pieces of you in everyone I brushed shoulders with.

I never found you.

I still haven’t even found myself.


This has become a tangent

as has every other thing I’ve written.

It seems my mind is one that can’t stay still, one that is always wandering off and off and off.

You would know exactly what to say

whether it was

advice to soothe my chaotic mind


consolation that my mind is not deficient but instead wondrous.

I know I can’t wish you were here

so instead

I wish I could stay in my dreams a little longer

hold onto the moment

hold onto you.


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